The self-esteem impacts almost all of our day to day interactions usually causing sabotage or results that are not the successful outcome we were hoping for. The truly upsetting aspect of this phenomena called the self-esteem is that it is not apart of the conscious self/mind, but originates and lives in the subconscious self/mind. This means that it is not really affected by outer goings on but stays undisturbed and out of sight. This can be maddening because you seem to be doing or wanting things to go well and they don’t. You take courses and seminars to enhance your self-esteem and though they seem to offer some help, they just don’t do the trick.
The “trick” is not a trick at all, but inner, deep work at the level where the self-esteem learned its stuff. This means that we have to go after it at the psychological DNA level that taught the self-esteem who it is and how it won’t particularly work in the world. Now of course this is not what any of us wants to hear. We, in this quick fix, fast food society want to understand what we need to do, find the right program, download it, and get on with life. Right? Wrong! We are just not that simple, and the real bummer is that self-esteem issues are not intellectual but feeling oriented. Therefore, we must work at shifting our learned self-esteem mis-beliefs re-framing how we hold our inner sense of self at the emotional inner self level.
The two ways I recommend doing this are: one, psychotherapy, and two E.M.D.R. Let me take the more familiar direction first; psychotherapy. Psychotherapy was developed to get at the subconscious understanding that we hold about ourselves and “fix it.” It is not the voodoo, being a wus, or the stereotypical blame your parents and be a drama queen martyr that most would have you believe. The premise of psychotherapy is that as we were brought up by flawed human beings with their strengths and limitations; these pros and cons rub off on us. The value of psychotherapy is that it helps to get rid of the dysfunctional limitations that affect our self-esteem. It is that simple and that complex. It is simple because we all have it and we basically know where it comes from. Complex because it is the subconscious and must be “got at” at that level.
The one that most of you will like hearing about because it does look like downloading is called E.M.D.R. (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). You can go on line and read about it, but suffice it to say it mitigates post traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.) that does not just work on tangible trauma, but emotional as well. It was developed by Francine Shapiro about twenty or so years ago, and is used internationally for P.T.S.D. However, it started out for P.T.S.D. that related to war vets or trauma victims, but has expanded over the years to include a protocol that takes in emotional issues. Hence, those self-esteem issues that originated in your childhood but keep getting in the way. This ongoing, reoccurring emotional trauma mimics P.T.S.D. and therefore E.M.D.R. is very effective here.
There are many of us professionals around the country, who are certified to use E.M.D.R. The results are profound and permanent. It is used in conjunction with regular psychotherapy, but does not have to be. For those of you wanting something less time consuming than psychotherapy this would be the road. However, there needs to be the understanding that profound substantive change of the self-esteem is better achieved utilizing both. This is why I use E.M.D.R. along with regular psychotherapy for self-esteem issues.
A healthy self-esteem is something we all need to be productive in the world, professionally and socially. The work is important and doable and something everyone should invest in.
Gary Richman has an masters in clinical social work and a masters and Ph.D. in clinical psychology. He has over the last thirty years practiced psychotherapy in private practice and at such institutions as Children’s Hospital, Cedars Sinai Medical Center, Glendale Memorial Hospital, and Santa Monica Hospital. He has lectured on such issues as Occupational Burnout, Surviving Adolescents for Parents, Assessing Depression and Suicidal Ideation, and Transpersonal Psychology.
His web site is drgaryrichman.com where you can read about his educational background and his current book: The Road To Me: Reclaiming Your Power. His blogs can be found on Word Press.com and he is on Facebook.
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